Step Away From The Bottle...

Public Health “Institue”

Today’s mail brought me an invitation to participate in a local study of alcoholics at the Public Health “Institue”. So many things jumped out at me the second I opened the envelope.

First of all, are you calling me an alcoholic? Because I have a thing or two to say to you, letter in the mail. Yes I love my vodka tonic more than I love any other beverage and most foods. But I have complete control over my alcohol intake. And I know I have a propensity toward alcoholism (yes, Mom, I do know this), so I’m extra careful. Don’t tell me I have an alcohol problem, letter in the mail! Oh no, they di-n’t.

Secondly, who in their right mind would participate in a study conducted by a group who cannot spell “Institute” correctly? The sheer thought of it gives me a Whoopi Goldberg big-eyed, wrinkled forehead look.

After shredding the letter, I got to thinking about alcohol and dating. Since we (you and me) are so fabulous, we definitely don’t need to drink a lot so we’re more fun to be around. But sometimes we do need to drink a lot to make the other person more fun to be around.

I have a rule where I don’t drink too much during the week. But sometimes I find myself on one of those weeknight outings where one drink isn’t cutting it. So we all make sacrifices. And if that means 3 vodka tonics to get through the conversation, so be it.

Then there was Tight Jeans Guy who wasn’t a drinker but said that he was fine with me drinking. So of course I did. I can’t resist a good drink when the bartender is staring me in the face, tempting me with Grey Goose. I had one drink on our first date. And then one drink on our second date. And he didn’t go out with me again because I “drank too much.” Okay. Let’s be honest here. What he really needed was a girl who doesn’t drink either.

My brother says he doesn’t trust anyone who doesn’t drink. I agree with that sentiment, to a degree. Although I will take it one step further and add that I don’t trust people who don't believe in God or men who wear pink pants. And yes, I know someone who wears pink pants. He calls them “salmon” but believe me, they are pink. Therefore I don’t trust him completely.

I have no desire to dictate whether someone should or should not drink. However, since Tight Jeans Guy, I have never dated a non-drinker, because I feel like I will always be judged. I don’t plan on putting down the bottle anytime soon, and I would hate for it to be a dealbreaker. The older I get, the more I am interested in a minimal number of drinks and calling it a night. Seriously, if I get dumped again for drinking too much, I am looking up the Public Health “Institue” and giving them a call. There might be money and blog material involved, and you know those are two things I can’t pass up.