Tuesday, March 9, 2010

The Ron Burgundy of the Dating World

I’m at that point where I feel like enough time has passed since The Breakup that I can start dating again. You have to allow enough time to pass that you aren’t unfair to the next guy. Especially when The Breakup was a painful one. So, here we go.

After two failed setups (one completely flaked out and the other felt “no spark”, which I will agree with), I noticed that I am at a standstill. And standstill means two things: (1) I am not going out and enjoying the dating world, and (2) I have no material for this blog!

So. I need material.

So. I joined Yahoo Personals.

I don’t know how this works, so I try to paint a picture of who I am by copying and pasting my oh-so-clever facebook “About Me” section. I have to answer every question under the sun, from my drinking habits (I clicked “weekly”… is that bad?) to my religion to my desire to have kids, to whether I live alone or with roommates. I could feel sweat under my arms. I suddenly remembered the feeling in high school when your parents ask you a question that you don’t really want to answer, like “what happened to the car?”

And now it’s picture time. Geez… really? I have a ton of great pictures where I look real good, but they are old and 4 hair colors ago. I settled on one from last September where I am actually wearing lipstick.

I selected the box that said “Notify me of updates every three days”. 30 minutes pass. I can’t stand it. I logged in, hoping that maybe some people have taken a likin’ to me and found that 87 men had viewed my profile and I had 17 new messages. Whaaaat?

Some guys are cute, some are scary and this one guy sent me this:

“Oh, and one more thing: I want to say something. I'm going to put it out there; if you like it, you can take it, if you don't, send it right back. I want to be on you. And if you find the humor in that, we'll get a long just fine.”

My eyes got big, I closed the World Wide Web Internet and backed away from the computer. Seriously?? That’s your opening line??

Later that day I was conversing with We Go Way Back Guy (who is very cute and datable, ladies...) about this and he let me in on a little secret. This is a line from Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy. Really? I have seen the cinematic greatness. Don’t remember the line. Am still creeped out.

More stories to come as I weed through this enormous stack of messages from potential suitors.