Friday, March 11, 2011

New on the Endangered List: Privacy

TMI: Too much information.

Many people are guilty of blurting out too much information, no matter who is around, or whether anyone even cares about said information. I am constantly subjected to seeing and/or hearing stuff that nobody should know. And now with the social networking at an all-time high, there is no such thing as privacy anymore.

Kim Kardashian was on a recent People cover with a headline that read something like, “I thought I’d be married by now.” Well, Kim. Let me break it down for you. You're a beautiful girl. I think it’s possible you would have been married by now as well, if you didn’t have that sex tape from a few years ago, your reality show with your entire life on national television, and things like this People Magazine interview where you talk about how you just can’t find a good guy. I’m going out on a limb and assuming that the good ones are running from you, and frankly I don’t blame them. I know that I am not on board with dating someone with that level of privacy. And by “that level” I mean nonexistent.

I promise I’ll stop talking about her soon, but here’s another life lesson from Jessica Simpson. Tweeting unflattering pictures of kissing her boyfriend and jumping into his arms and wrapping her legs around him when the paparazzi are around (like people do in the movies) does not bode well for her. Who does that in real life? I’ve been super excited to see someone before, and not once has it crossed my mind that I need to leap through the air and wrap my legs around him like a spider monkey. Especially with cameras around. Queen of TMI, that girl.

Something that not many people know about me is that I am fiercely private. I have been in many conversations about this, with folks who assume that since I write about dating and relationships, have a Twitter, have a Facebook, have a Linkedin, etc. that I am letting it all hang out. What is misunderstood, however, is that I have been dating for over 14 years. This column is a culmination of all those years of dating, not dates I’ve been on in recent weeks. Some stuff is from years ago, but still very applicable today. My life as it is today is very private. Nobody gets to know that stuff.

I haven’t always been this way. Maturity came along one day and hit me upside the head, letting me know that I don’t have to publicize every move I make. Besides, nobody really cares anyway. Thank goodness I learned that lesson quickly. It’s exhausting to update the world, letting them know what you just ate for lunch and whatnot.

I have a lot of respect for people who understand the importance of keeping things close to the vest. I dated a guy once who simply could not wrap his mind around the fact that I am a writer who writes about dating and relationships. No matter how much I explained that I keep my personal matters to myself, he just couldn’t get on board. He was terrified I would write about him. And he ended up breaking up with me after a few months of dating. I have a sneaky suspicion that a lot of it had to do with my blog.

I’m not Taylor Swift. She says that she gives fair warning to the guys she dates, because it is a well-known fact that if they so much as slight her in any way, she will be at the drawing board, writing a song about them and what they did to her. I give her mad props, but that’s just not my style.

So, set that Facebook to private. Don’t Tweet to everybody in the world that you are on a date. Don’t run to change your “relationship status” as soon as possible when you realize you like someone. And speaking of that someone that you like, be a little mysterious. Putting it all out there isn’t ever a good idea. “Go Tell it on the Mountain” shouldn’t be your theme song for romantic relationships.

Some bits of advice, with love from me to you:

Keep important things close to the vest, keep special things special.

Make them seek you out, don’t be so available.

Don’t tell your friends every small detail, good or bad. That will bite you in the ass later.

Be yourself. And if they don’t like that, then they need to keep moving.

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