Monday, March 14, 2011

C'mon Baby, Light My Fire

Passion. It puts a sly smile on your face at random moments throughout the day, moments when your lover crosses over your mind. It makes your fingertips and toes feel electrified when you are in their presence. It makes you count the minutes impatiently while you’re waiting for them to show up. It keeps you up at night when you can’t think about anything but that feeling. I even like saying the word out loud… Passion. Without passion, you have nothing.

If you don’t have it, you are basically spending your time with nothing more than a friend. A friend who you happen to kiss and whatever else you two are doing. I’ll tell you one thing – I don’t kiss my friends like that. So what are you doing sticking around a platonic situation? If what you want is passion, then you’re wasting your time.

A friend came to me for advice recently, and their question got me thinking about passion, and the dangerous lack-thereof. This is what they sent me:

“I have been dating a girl for almost two years. Things were hot and heavy the first couple of months. But, we are both Christians, and we decided to cool it on the physical side of the relationship. Now days we are like best friends, but it feels like the passion is gone. It feels like the honeymoon is over even though there has not been one. The odd thing is that the more I get to know her, the more she feels like a sister and less a girlfriend. I worry that we may be too similar to complement each other. She is starting to ask questions about where this is all going. Three months in I was thinking she could be the one, but now I don’t know how to answer her questions. What do you think? I would appreciate a woman’s thoughts on the matter!”

I’m glad you asked. Here are a woman’s thoughts: In my opinion, it doesn’t matter if you’ve been together 2 months, 2 years, 22 years or 52 years. If you don’t have passion for each other, you don’t have anything. It doesn’t mean it has to be like when you first met. Passion evolves with the relationship. It ebbs and flows, just like the ocean. But it has to be there. And even if you guys are waiting to sleep together, there should still be an unbridled infatuation. I would even venture to say that if you’re waiting, then it would almost be too much to bear, that fervor between you two. But that’s not the case here apparently.

I think you are in big trouble any time you view your girlfriend, lover, significant other, as a sibling. Your lover should be one of your best friends, no doubt. One of my favorite things about being in a relationship is getting to hang out with one of my best friends all the time. But not just any best friend, one that I get to kiss anytime I want. There is a balance here, between lover and friend, that is absolutely necessary. Unfortunately, your relationship seems to have completely crossed over into “friend zone”, and that’s dangerous territory if she is expecting a future with you.

She is asking questions about where this is going, and you owe it to her to talk to her about it. I will tell you this, I’m not sure if passion is something that can be created. If it’s not there, it may never show up. And you need to be prepared for that. Ideally, it should just be there naturally. If not, then that’s a big sign that you aren’t with the right person. And if that is the case, you owe it to yourself and to her to end it.

I’ve ended relationships for this exact reason before. I promise you’ll be thankful later, when you are with someone who makes your spine tingle just by walking in the room, and who makes your heart race just by looking your direction.


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