Wednesday, May 5, 2010

These Guys are Morons.

I have two best friends. And each of them has endured a breakup over the last two weeks. What gives?

I just got home from performing one very important duty bestowed upon me as a best friend: listening. This amazing girl was involved in a breakup sabotage this evening. Sometimes I can see how both parties contributed to The Breakup, but in this case, he’s an idiot making a huge mistake. What makes people short-sighted? So much so that they cannot see the person in front of them, who is a hell of a catch and most likely the best thing they could ever hope to spend their time with? Gosh, it makes me so mad.

My other best friend finally ended eight years of dating the wrong guy. She has been celebrating her “205 pound weight loss”. I’m thrilled she is finally on board with the idea that he isn’t for her. I have full confidence that he will be great for someone else. Just not my best friend. Ever. Again.

We’re dealing with two totally different situations. One girl is celebrating and one is saying “WTF?!” But the emotions change after a few days, and once you get to a place where you feel like yourself again, you are subjected to the possibility of seeing that person and the heartache raring its ugly head again.

You know, seeing someone for the first time after you break up is the worst. You never know how to act. And then there's the vomit. But maybe that’s just me. It’s horribly awkward and never easy. The only thing that makes it bearable is if (a) YEARS have passed, and (b) you are on the arm of a much more amazing person. But that isn’t usually the way it works out for me.

The last time this happened, I was sporting third-day hair, was in workout clothes (not my cute ones) and was in Albertson’s with my coupon clipboard. Oh and did I mention the zits on my chin that were about the size of Peru? Talk about sexy. And I talk fast when I’m nervous, so after sputtering out approximately 400 words in 30 seconds, I tucked tail and ran away with my cart, only to knock into a display of seedless watermelons. I turned around and he was watching me, completely amused. He and I stood there and laughed for a good 10 minutes. And now we’re cool. I guess that’s what it takes sometimes.

After all, some relationships fall apart. God does that on purpose. He isn't going to keep you in a relationship with someone who isn't the right one for you. Eventually, He will intervene and take care of business. I know... that doesn't make it much easier when it actually ends. The best we can do is breath and reboot. I find it helpful to pour a glass of wine, put on Cat Steven’s “Wild World”, and sing it loud.

Now that I've lost everything to you
You say you wanna start something new
And it's breakin' my heart you're leavin'
Baby, I'm grievin'
But if you wanna leave, take good care
Hope you have a lot of nice things to wear
But then a lot of nice things turn bad out there

Oh, baby, baby, it's a wild world
It's hard to get by just upon a smile
Oh, baby, baby, it's a wild world
and I'll always remember you like a child, girl

You know I've seen a lot of what the world can do
And it's breakin' my heart in two
Because I never wanna see you sad, girl
Don't be a bad girl
But if you wanna leave, take good care
Hope you make a lot of nice friends out there
But just remember there's a lot of bad and beware

Oh, baby, baby, it's a wild world
It's hard to get by just upon a smile
Oh, baby, baby, it's a wild world
and I'll always remember you like a child.


  1. Hi Dana and I like your blog title :-)

    Have you ever come across perhaps the best making up book out there? It's called The Magic Of Making Up and it provides what to do (and more importantly) what NOT to do. I thought you and your readers might like to know. Cheers

  2. Thank you Thomas! One of these days I'll write a blog explaining the story behind the title.

    I'll have to check that out. Although, sometimes you're so glad to see that person go, the last thing you want to do is make up. But that's not always the case. Thanks for the tip.

    Thanks for checking out my blog. :)