My best friend, Fitz, and I were talking the other day (the one who recently lost that pesky 205 pounds by kicking her deadbeat boyfriend to the curb). She and I get our good talking in when I’m walking Bama and she is winding down from a day of school teaching. It’s funny, how does it happen that two such smart women talk about boys more than anything? It's like seventh grade with bank accounts.
We came to a conclusion during our most recent conversation. Seems like a large majority of men out there are looking for something that she and I can’t be. And that’s a needy girl. You know the type, and it turns out that they almost always have a doting boyfriend, ready to meet every single need (no matter how trivial or massive).
So that’s what is attractive now? Being completely clingy and needy? Her ex has moved on to a girl who needs him to provide as much care as a person provides a 13-month-old, or a pet. Years ago, my ex moved on to a girl who needed a place to live and someone to pay for everything her unemployment didn’t cover.
When did emotional and financial independence make its way onto the “turn-off list”? Apparently, owning your own home and making your own cash money is a bit intimidating, not to mention emotional independence. Now don’t get me wrong, I have some issues. I can be a mindfield at times. But I can put my big girl panties on and handle myself. Pushing those issues off on a guy and making them his problem is not the answer. Not that I don’t love it when my guy can listen to me and even offer a word of advice, but I don’t need him in order to make it through stuff. That’s the point.
I will never be that girl who practically needs to be placed in a straight jacket when faced with a breakup. If a guy doesn’t want to date me anymore, then he needs to move it on down the road and leave me alone. I will never grovel and cry for someone to stay simply because I feel like I need him so badly. That’s just unhealthy. See also: get back together because I think I won't survive otherwise.
Speaking of needs, this is all I actually need. (1) God; and (2) Real love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, all-consuming love. It all boils down to those two things. Because that’s the thing about needs. Once you have them met, everything else falls into place.
And then there are the small needs. Sometimes you need counterspace in his bathroom to store your emergency beauty items so you can go from sitting on the couch to a nice restaurant on the drop of a hat. And how about a spot in his fridge for your soy milk? While we’re making more space, why not give us a little more than a small corner of his heart? It’s high time these guys give as much of their hearts to us as we give them.
More than anything, us amazing women should be looking for a man who doesn’t need us to survive and doesn’t want us to need him in that unhealthy way.
Once you find this, then you will realize that you can’t live without each other. In the healthy way.