Wednesday, October 14, 2009

The Doctor is OUT OF HIS MIND

So I'm pretty sure I have Adult ADD. I have a hard time focusing and that's not just when I have had too much sweet tea vodka the night before.

Therefore, my proactive self decided to head to the doctor for an Adult ADD test. I looked up my insurance providers and made 2 appointments: one for a regular psychologist and one for a board-certified psychologist. The regular one was scheduled for November and the board-certified (which I'm assuming is better? I really don't know) was scheduled for April (she must be good.... or just only works 5 hours a week). I was then complaining to one of my coworkers about how long I have to wait for my focus pills and she suggested that I go to my regular doctor, who can do an Adult ADD test in the office. I called my regular doctor and they said that they can, in fact do an Adult ADD test and they were able to fit me in for today! (This was last week).

So I show up with my happy self at 12:30 today at my doctors office (name withheld) and tell the sign-in chick that I'm there for an Adult ADD test. To which she replied, "Great!" I then wait excitedly for my test to finally discern if my suspicions are true.

They weigh me. I still contend the scale was off. I suggested maybe a re-calibration. The nurse wasn't buying it. Then they took my blood pressure (S.O.P. for an Adult ADD test? Hmm.), which was normal. No re-calibration necessary.

THEN I waited, and waited and waited.... and WAITED for an hour for the doctor to come in and see me. I could hear his happy butt laughing and talking in the next room with some patient; they sounded like BFF's sharing a beer. I read my entire Gwen Stefani-covered Glamour magazine. The whole thing, including the section written by the dude that I don't even customarily like to read. I was that bored.

Dr. [name withheld] walks in, laughing his happy butt off and joking with me. I'm so relieved he is finally here! In front of me! It's not a mirage! Then he asks where "the child" is, to which I replied "Ummm... I'm here for an Adult ADD test, please" (notice how polite I am at this point).

He then blindsided me with "Oh!! Ha Ha Ha!! We don't do that here! Only for the little kids!! Ha Ha Ha!!"


After making sure that he wasn't, in fact, kidding, I went through the roof. Seriously?! How could I have told three ladies up to this point that I was there for an Adult ADD test and nobody has mentioned to me that they don't "do that" for adults? And where were they thinking I was hiding this child the entire time?? In my purse?? (It is big, but come on...)

Then comes the silver lining. "I can see you're upset. Tell you what, I won't charge you for this visit."

To which I replied, at a volume I'm not proud of, "Well then give me the number to the American Medical Association so I can call them and tell them how damn generous Dr.[name withheld] is!!"

He just looked at me.

I stormed out and got to the car when I realized that this was all for naught. And I'm not going to have that; not after all the time I spent there. I marched my little butt back in there and caught him before he went into another patient's room and said "Wait a second!!! Don't you have anything you can give me??!! A referral maybe?! Something?!"

He looked terrified at this crazy woman storming at him and quickly wrote down three names and numbers and hurried into the patient's room at lightening speed. I wasn't sure if they were real phone numbers until I called the first one and it was a direct line to a doctor. NOW we're talking!

Then I realized that he probably sent me to some anger management specialist after my "scene", so I asked what kind of doctor he was, and he replied that he is a "Neuropsychologist". Really?!

This was going to be more difficult than I thought. I told him my plight, and he assured me that he does Adult ADD testing all the time. And how did I get his number again? And why didn't I call his front desk people to schedule an appointment. I tried to sound important, but finally just admitted that Dr. [name withheld] gave it to me. He seemed satisfied with that, and scheduled me for December 14.

To be continued on the 14th.... I guess I better not make a scene in this guy's office. I'm sure he has straight jackets on hand.

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