After a three-week internet outage hiatus, I'm back.
My latest blog, "He's Just Not That Into ME?!" created quite the buzz. I received so many comments and I am thankful and blown away (and very flattered) that you are reading my ridiculous point of view. This means more to me than you know.
The most interesting reactions, however, were from the guys I have dated (and even some that I have never dated) who recognized something in themselves and were dying to know if I had mentioned them in my blog.
First came Now Family Man Guy. He admitted that he was fine with me being a better bass player than he was (which is still up for debate). Rest assured, he was not the one I wrote about. No, the moron I wrote about who was just not that into me because of my mad bass-playing skills treated our one mutual interest in a musical instrument as the hinge on the door to eternal happiness. Everything rode on our one thing in common. Guess what, Marginally-Talented Guy - I blew you away on the bass, I still do, and I always will. I hope you and your Lady Fender have a nice time together. In your living room, with your tiny amp, alone. You'll cross my mind the next time I'm on stage in front of tons of people, rocking it out.
Are you Gay? Guy did not respond to me personally. In fact, it appears that his sister reads my blog and she immediately sent me a message. Although I learned that he is married now (to a woman...) I stand by my theory. He was able to tell when another guy was good-looking, even though straight men claim this is a humanly impossible feat for men to do. He dressed better than me. He shaved more areas of his body than I do. He loved art deco furniture. And although it was nice that he noticed when I had extra body in my hair or when my shoes had recently been polished, I am going to go on the record and say that I am now only dating manly men who don't ask me to accompany them to the antique mall to search for the perfect runners for their end tables.
Spoiled Rich Kid Guy reacted in his un-apologetic, North Dallas way. He reminded me that I let a good thing go, since his daddy's company is doing so well and he works some bullshit desk job there. Unfortunately for him, I am not interested in a life that consists of bad facelifts, shallow conversation with people who secretly loathe you and going to church only to show off your new outfit. Oh, and for the last time - the only way you are getting your diamond earrings back is if you pry them from my cold, dead fingers. So stop asking. Besides, I consider them my consolation prize for putting up with your preppy self for so long.
With regard to Exotic Foreign Guy, prepare yourself for the comforting news. He is not insensitive after all! It turns out he did not ditch me for my reproductive issues; in fact he was just not that into me because my hair is too short. Well isn't that the silver lining to this whole situation? Guess what, "In My Country" Guy - maybe I'm just not that into someone who has such an affinity for scarves and speedos.
Tight Jeans Guy actually apologized for his actions, so I am appreciative. And although I will not go out with him again (because I do love alcohol and will continue to drink for the rest of my days), I have nothing sarcastic to say about him anymore. Thank you for admitting you were a jackass and you're welcome for not publicly listing your name in my blog. No one knows your true identity. Except all my friends.
I also got a good laugh from some of my friends who reminded me of guys from my dating past who I just wasn't that into for some reason or another.
There was Could Be a Classmate of My Father's Guy. I thought I was coming to a business dinner meeting at Del Friscos. Turns out, everyone had "cancelled" and it was just old dude and me in this nice restaurant. I'm a smart girl and it did not take me long to realize that I was on a premeditated, sneaky date. I've never been so offended. Of course I left as soon as I ate a yummy expensive meal (I'm not dumb!) and never returned his calls. I even changed the committee I was on that he and I shared. Although he was successful, distinguished and he ordered wine in French, I was just not that into Mr. AARP for many reasons, including the fact that he tended to talk to me like I was a child. Later I realized that he could have been mistaking me for one of his kids.
There was World Revolves Around Sports Guy. It wasn't enough for him to watch them on tv; he had to play in every league known to man. Sitting and relaxing was not an option with this freak. Every hour of the day had to be taken up some form of physical exertion to the point of sweat and exhaustion. I love working out, I love being in shape and I love breaking a sweat just like the next girl. But I just wasn't that into his extreme love of the game. Dang it, sometimes I just want to sit on the couch, eat cheese dip and watch Lifetime movies. If you can't get on board with that then keep moving, Mister.
I've been striking out for years, enough to know what I want and what I will run from in 2 seconds flat. I know they are out there - the ones who are polar opposites of the guys in my blogs. Maria and Megan of SimplyShe put it best:
"Really Kinda Regular Guy: He eats cereal. He loves to grill. And he still hangs with the same friends he's had since college. When they're together it's all sports, work and highway directions. And he's easy going. He really enjoys playing with dogs and kids. But he hates to go shopping with you. It's about as much fun for him as carrying change in his pocket. But he's sweet. He swears he got the Victoria's Secret catalog subscription for you. And he prefers being in a relationship. But doesn't feel the need to rush into things. Or even talk about them, since he thinks everything is fine the way it is. Because he likes having relationship talks as much as he likes cats."
Till next time. XO Dana